As summarized by a senior who only half remembers most of these and also hates a few.
Humanity is at a point in its existence where we have as little free time as we’ve ever had. Whether this is because you’re working yourself to the bone to feed the eldritch machinations of late-stage capitalism, or simply because you’re already spending all your time watching Minecraft let’s-plays, more often than not, reading is far too time-consuming.
Which makes it all the more offensive when you are made to read. By the school, no less. Personally, nothing puts me off something like being forced to do it.
So below, I’ve summarized (almost) every book in the WISS Secondary English Language and Literature curriculum, to the best of my ability and recollection. Fun fact, some of these books are actually good! I think you can tell through context clues which ones I like, but just in case, I will provide clarification.
Grade 6:
The Hobbit: Little men invade and rob the home of a dragon who has lived there for hundreds of years.
[good] Chinese Cinderella: White woman bullies a young Chinese girl. So much pain and suffering this is unreal. All in all, a pretty good read.
The Giver: A teenager asks an old man, “Hey, what the hell is going on?” And the old man says, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Grade 7:
The House on Mango Street: Mexican teenager has a little bit of an existential crisis and everybody hates her for it.
American Born Chinese: Asian-American teenager has a little bit of an identity crisis and everybody hates him for it, but this time it’s in comic book form.
Grade 8:
[good] Of Mice and Men: Two best friends go on a romp in the American South, and—okay, you know how you feel the urge to squeeze really cute things? It turns out that’s a bad idea.
The Tempest: Old man tries to kill his daughter’s boyfriend and the guy’s buddies with his super awesome magic powers. And then I think he dies in the end?
[good] To Kill A Mockingbird: White dad will yell at a poor family on the behest of a black person, but only for the right price and anyway, he isn’t quite as effective at it as he needs to be.
Grade 9:
Things Fall Apart: Things fall apart. What else do I even say here?
Lord of the Flies: Spring break boys’ trip! …Oh no.
[good] Twelfth Night: Crossdressing! [thunderous applause]
Persepolis: Persian family can only watch on in horror as their young daughter succumbs to the evil (but very fun and kind of cool) influence of Marxist socialism.
Grade 10:
A Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime: The dog is dead, okay? It’s dead.
Maus: The mice are Jews, and the cats are Nazis, get it? Did you get it? Did you—
[good] An Inspector Calls: Angry socialist ghost harangues a rich family for about an hour and a half, to the vicarious enjoyment of the entire audience.
DP:
A Doll’s House: Local woman realizes that her husband, who belittles her and calls her demeaning pet names, doesn’t really respect her as an equal.
1984: Hey guys…we live in a society…did you know??? Freedom is a good thing and governments lie to you. Crazy, right?
[good] A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich: Everything that 1984 wanted to say about the Soviets, but slightly better and probably more memorable, honestly.
[good] Macbeth: Just because you’re a Gemini sun with an Aries rising, doesn’t mean that you’re gonna rule Scotland. Well, you technically will, I guess, but it won’t be fun for anybody.
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